Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Celebrity News

Good day, dear readers!  

Marcella Glibb here, again giving you all the news fit to be tied!  Today, your faithful reporter of the stars bundles up in loose, blandly colored robes and a head scarf to enter into the country of the tightly-wound.  Yes, that’s right, Marcella Glibb will undergo any sacrifice, even her most dear sense of fashion in order to speak to the up and coming celebrities that you need to know. 

 Today, she travels to backwater Galilee to speak face-to-face with Yeshua bin Yosef, AKA Jesus!  The star of the Jews, the new radical professor is also getting to be well known among the popular jet sets, so lets talk to him and find out what he is really about!

            Your overly-covered reporter enters a medium sized home, packed full of lounging, dirty men and women.  Jesus is supposed to be running a school, but these students of his seem more like they have just spent a month in a rag-tag caravan.  They are all exhausted, filthy and the smell—well, it is good your well-prepared reporter keeps some sweet smelling cloths with her!

            But there, on the other side of the room is a man who is almost radiant!  Young, short curly hair, beardless, skin the color of camel’s hair, he seemed to positively glow with charisma.  What some women wouldn’t do to spend some time alone with him!  But your reporter was all business, ready to discuss with him what you most want to know.

            So, is there a Mrs. Jesus around?
            Foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no where to lay his head.25

(Oh, how cute, he speaks in aphorisms!)  So no home life for you?  I suppose that’s why your students all look so worn, because they have to follow you around.
            If anyone would come after me, he must take up his cross and follow me.26
I suppose that wouldn’t be an easy school to be a part of, travelling cross country with you.  What kind of tuition do you charge on top of all that?
            Freely they have received, so they must freely give.27
Tuition free!  Hear that all of you potential students?  The best deal in town!  But still, this isn’t an easy school. Why do you make your disciple’s life so difficult? 
            We must go to other places, for the Son of Man came to preach there also.28
Ah, so you are fated to travel around.  So you have your lecture circuit in addition to your private school?  That must keep you busy!  But don’t you think that it is difficult on your private students to travel around?  After all, it makes them more like paupers than educated men.
            Blessed are the poor for theirs is the kingdom of God.29
So you purpose to make your students poor?
            No one can be my disciple who does not give up their possessions.30

So are you giving rich kids the experience of being poor, or are you actively seeking the poor to be your students?
            It is written, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me because he has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, to proclaim release to the prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set free those who are oppressed.”31
A school for the poor!  Fascinating!  You are so unique Jesus!  And what sacrifices you have made, I am sure.  I can tell by your speech, however, that you are not a peasant, nor, I think, have you lost all your wits in living as a poor man.  Do you really enjoy the company of the poor?
            There was a banker who had two women who were both indebted to him.  He called on in, and forgave her debt of a thousand dollars.  The other he forgave a debt of ten thousand.  Which do you think loved him the more?32
Ah, I see your point.  So you really do enjoy the company of your disciples?  Is this why there are some women who follow you around as well?  I understand there are some here who have special skills, as well.  Do you ever give private lessons?
            There are eunuchs who are born that way, other eunuchs are made that way by men and some eunuchs make themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of God.33
Thank you for making your point so… graphically.  I’m sure my readers will never forget it.  So, suppose I or some of my readers wanted to be a student of yours, what will they learn?
            Life is more than food or clothing.  Consider the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap and yet their Father in heaven provides all food or them.  Consider the lilies of the field: they do not spin or toil but even Solomon was never dressed as well as they.  Don’t worry about what you will eat or drink, but seek God’s kingdom and all these things will be granted to you as well.  Instead, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven, which no one can steal away from you.34
That’s beautiful, Jesus.  Just beautiful—although I doubt that many of your reporter’s diligent readers will be ready to give up their gorgeous houses and lovingly crafted robes to follow you around.  Do you have any word for them?
            Beware and be wary of every kind of greed—for even when one has an abundance does their life consist of possessions.35
Ahem.... Well, I’m sure we’ll all take that into account.

            Let’s all say “ta-ta” to our aesthetic professor of Galilee!  Honestly, your reporter is ready to check out Cardineus’ latest fashion trends after being bathed in grime and poverty!

25. Luke 9:58
26. Mark 10:34
27. Matthew 10:8
28. Mark 1:38
29. Luke 6:20
30. Luke 14:33
31. Luke 4:18
32. Luke 7: 41-42.  SKV dynamic translation.  The “SKV” is my own version that takes some liberties, but keeping the same idea of the Greek.  I hope.
33. Matthew 19:12
34. Luke 12:24, 27, 31, 33
35. Luke 12:15

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